johntoast

we spend the first half of our life becoming someone and we spend the second half figuring out who that is.

The withdrawal was a hard slap of reality. It made me realize why I was on the shit to begin with. Everything was dazed out of focus with a dull thumping bass that was on a contentious loop in my brain. Thoughts seemed to do as they pleased, entering and exiting the theater of my minds eye without so much as a general outline of a plot. Pins and needles all over my body. Echoes of my forcefully forgotten past. Her. It was all too much at times. What little value time held to me was lost. I wanted death to save me from living in this nightmare. There were times she almost came. But something kept me here. Hope? There was nothing in my dirty godless life that could remotely resemble hope. The intrigue of this hope kept me in the grips of my despair. I wanted to know what I could possibly hope for. A scientist with prying eyes looking for his cure for cancer. Sweat beads blessed me with their dewy kisses as they drip from every pore. Bright florescent man made suns burned my eyes even when they were closed. White tiles lovingly embraced my wretched body. It was cold turkey.

oh yeah and this song is just powerful

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0Uf4JZWzgE

This probably one of the more beautiful songs I have heard in my life time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=938XY6DX02w&feature=related

Most Epic game of scrabble ever played.

YEAH IM STILL UP

People sote utility out of their clothes in Walden. They didn't see the point of having different types of wear. Formal,Causal and such. Back in society they use to say dress to impress, well dressing to impress meant to some that you were lower on the socioeconomic food chain and needed to dress in fancy clothing, just to impress a person from a higher socioeconomic class. To others this mean to dress better than everyone else so they look up to you, envy you, want to be you. Well this was all vanity to the people of Walden and none of them wanted a part of it. They just wanted to be equal and not give anything abstract value. Abstraction just leads to complexities that don't really have any earthly value. Walden was a town of simple pleasures. People who had enough of the Abstract came here to find a home with nature, to live life as it was meant to be lived. Clothes were just as simple as life. Patches showed character, clothes were used for warmth, sometimes when it was warm out people would go naked. But this lead to some complications with manning an axe. Everyone who lived in Walden was tired of life in society, so they made their own off the transcendentals teachings of one Henry David Thoreau.

what an interesting night

I was driving home from school just now and I thought to myself, what if I were to masturbate to one song. Or masturbate while a song is playing. Could I classically condition myself to orgasm every time I hear that song? or conversely every time I hear the song want to masturbate? It would be a tough process that I think would take at least a month.


After this thought, my mind came to another question. Do I talk/think about masturbation a lot? The answer is I talk a lot, for the most part what I say means nothing. I rarely ever think about masturbation. I just do it. like shitting. which brought me to another point, most of my life I have just said things. I don't mean them but I do it to see what people do. Sort of like shock treatment, it was funny and away to be different but I have noticed something about my friends. they talk about masturbation and fucking each other too. Which Then brought up another point did environment dictate my behavior or did my behavior dictate my environment? I love stream of conscious thought

I have made 300 dollars so far with the stocks that I picked. It makes me sad that I only had 600 dollars to invest. I think I might be a rainman when it comes to picking stocks. I just kind of like going into companies backgrounds and seeing what their R&D department has in store for the future. Stockbrokers are like seers, They try to predict the future for the good of the tribe. By tribe I mean economy and by good I mean Bad. I think I'm going to set up fake portfolios and track my progress.

since when did everyone I know get into football?

We are all playing white elephant on the 23rd. So who ever can come, bring a 25 dollar gift, your game face, and get ready to have the time of your life*. If you don't know what white elephant is than you will find out on the 23rd.












*experiences may vary

FUCK P.F. CHANG'S AND DALI!
<3 CHRIS AND CAR RIDE TALKS!

Iron and wine was pretty much sex. The orpheum is pretty much sex as well. It was made in 1926 and its all decked out in marble. plus there is a tavern inside it. Iron and wine is amazing live, the lead singer has one of the best singing voices I have ever heard. When the band stopped playing and he would just sing, it was like as whiteny said "an orgasm." I'm pretty sure I got lost in the music and forgot where I was.



P.s trevor there is a vampire on his way right now.... ups should deliver it in a coffin tommorrow or tonight, stay crunchy!

Whitney bought us tickets to see iron and wine. She is so sweet.

Life is nothing more than an excuse to enjoy drink with fine friends.

A fog set into long beach last night. It was the kind of fog that was thicker than soup and twice as hard to see through. I had my high beams on the whole time. Turned them off at one point to see how crushing the black was. There was nothing, except me and my car. I sat there watching nothing for awhile and a overwhelming sense of happiness came over me. There is nothing. We have nothing to do. We make our own obstacles, our lives are just constructs of our selves. Every single problem we face has been designed by us. Everything became much easier. The rock rolled down the hill and I didn't push it back up. I am Free. We define what life is, no one else does.

Beowulf was redunkulous. I want to swim for 5 days and kill 9 sea monsters

I'm listening to some professor talk about the brothers Karamazov...It is quite interesting.... Today I totally owned my final in ethics.... Euthanasia More like Youth in Asia ummmm.. anyways... fuck the forms and Plato. plus mackie can suck my cock aswell

A letter in Retort to Ramblings Of Mr.Axt....
Mr.Axt let me start this letter off by saying good day to you and a blessed morrow. Now that, that is out of the way we can subdue the niceties. You mother is a goat herder and your father is a chamber maid. You smell funny. These and many more are the reasons why we decided not to come to your perverted Palace you call an apartment. Now I do not approve of your sodomite life style, but I have grown to accept it with time. God Afflected you with this cruse because he hates you and thats thats. A carrier Pidgin just flew in the window bearing news on swift winds that I might see you in Santa Babara this week's end. THIS MUSTN"T HAPPEN. I HATE YOU

FUCKFULLY YOURS

Johnathon James Kruger

Day-Light saving time has brought something to my attention (and yes it is daylight saving not day light savings.) Time really is an abstract concept that we take way to seriously. We all worship the clock. It defines our lives and gives us a guideline for the day. We can always look at the clock and know what we need to do before the day ends. It keeps us sane. Most times when I can't sleep I stare at the clock, counting the seconds that go into minutes that go into hours which go into days which go into months into years. Its never ending, everlasting, yet repeating. Everyday is just a repeat of the last. recycled thoughts and actions a never ending cycle. Time is the maestro to the orchestra of life. Time dictates Actions. Actions exist with thought. Time is a thought. time exist because of consciousness. without consciousness time doesn't exist. Time is a product of man's quest to dominate and categorize everything in the world around him. To give everything a name and to understand it. Man needs to understand himself before understanding the world around him. Time makes man anxious of his death. Man becomes aware of his mortality. Time births religion. Religion gives man purpose. Time gives Man a awareness of his purpose. Time keeps man sane. Sanity equates to Reality. Man creates Time. Time creates Reality. Man creates Reality.